Avoid trouble
Etiquette expert: Good hosts have a “hidden reserve”
December 21, 2024 – 6:59 p.mReading time: 3 minutes
For holiday dinners, hosts need special precautions to satisfy every guest. How clever planning helps and why a “hidden reserve” is essential.
People enjoy eating a lot on the holidays. Guests look forward to a sumptuous, tasty meal and a good atmosphere. However, the festivities are often stressful for hosts: they have to prepare everything, cook and make sure that there is always enough food and drinks. It becomes problematic when certain dishes, for example, are already out because a guest has a particularly big appetite. How should hosts behave in the situation? And can you avoid this unpleasant situation? t-online asked etiquette expert Jonathan Lösel, chairman of the German Etiquette Council, this.
t-online: Mr. Lösel, seeShould guests choose smaller portions of the holiday meal as a courtesy to ensure other guests get enough?
Jonathan Lösel: Yes, that is indeed a polite and considerate gesture. It is advisable to choose moderate portions, especially when serving for the first time. This not only shows appreciation for the other guests, but also respect for the host's planning. If it later becomes clear that there is still enough food left, you are of course welcome to do so.
Just like that, without comment?
A subtle hint like: “Can I take something else, or would someone else like it first?” underlines your consideration and good manners. A charming and courteous variant that focuses on others could be: “Who can I offer some salad to?” – Nobody should show interest before you take it yourself. Such small gestures contribute to a pleasant table atmosphere and celebration culture.
How often can or should you take me (as a guest)? At what point does it become unpleasant because you are too greedy?
Cash on delivery is generally permitted and is even seen as a sign of appreciation for the host's cooking skills. But the same applies here: mindfulness is crucial and a polite query is important.
In addition, it is advisable to keep an eye on the remaining quantity and consider whether other guests might also still be hungry. A look at the cutlery helps: Cutlery placed at “20 past 4” shows that the guest has finished eating.
Is there an appropriate way for hosts to point out that a guest was too generous with their portioning and thereby left other guests unfulfilled?
Such a situation required tact so as not to embarrass anyone. Instead of pointing this out or criticizing the guest directly, the host can steer the situation charmingly, for example with a comment like: “Our goose is in great demand! If we all start with a smaller portion, everyone can enjoy a piece of it.”
It is even more elegant as a host to prevent such situations from arising in the first place by acting proactively. For example, by portioning and serving the goose yourself, you can ensure fair distribution – discreetly and confidently, without causing bottlenecks or even unpleasant notices.
Jonathan Lösel, Chairman of the German Royal Council, is committed to the renaissance of values and virtues. Together with his team, he gives recommendations for contemporary, modern manners.
What preparations can hosts make to avoid embarrassment if their guests have an unexpectedly large appetite?
A forward-looking host is prepared for eventualities and uses clever planning to ensure that unexpected situations can be dealt with in a relaxed manner. Two proven strategies offer particular security here:
1) Clear communication and leadership: Start the meal with introductory words that not only make you look forward to the feast together, but also provide orientation: “I'm glad you're all here! Today we prepared a traditional roast goose, which we first portioned out so that it stays nice and warm. If anyone would like a second helping later, just get in touch.” Such short instructions address any uncertainties and promote a relaxed atmosphere in which all guests feel in good hands.
2) Plan supplies: Have additional side dishes or easy-to-prepare dishes such as bread, salads or casseroles on hand in order to be able to respond flexibly to your guests' appetites. These “hidden reserves” are an ideal solution if the main courses are not enough. At the same time, it is advisable to plan moderately to avoid unnecessary leftovers.
Thank you very much, Mr. Lösel.
